Through the Woods
by Dragons Chaotica
Summary: Cornelia and Schneizel are charged with carrying their 'dead' brother to his Witch and Knight for revival. Kanon appears to be there simply to provide snark. Schneizel/Kanon, Guilford/Cornelia, light romances, primarily for page density, This is utter crack, so characters may be ooc, but we all need a laugh, or a groan, or five minutes of wasted life. You decide. (Some cursing.)


Really now, this was rather tedious, Lelouch was to awkward to carry through the woods, and Kanon is deeply enjoying the royals suffering. Cornelia and Schneizel, not so much. Random, tints of Schneizel/Kanon, Guilford/Cornelia but not much at all.

Me: I own nothing, but this idea has been bouncing around for a while.

Schneizel: What she means is after watching the final turn and sobbing again (For some reason it makes her cry) She had this odd idea. And decided to torture you with it.

Kanon: **Please vote on her profile poll. She needs a definitive answer to what story to do next. There is always a story poll there, and you can recommend your own ideas if you want. Just send a message.**

**P.S I have edited this. May do it again in the future as well. This is a crack fic, the characters are a bit ooc. This was literally written to stop me from crying the second time I saw the finale, I have since seen it around five more times and this keeps me going.**

* * *

The woods were freaking cold.

That was really the only way to describe the unseasonable temperature. Maybe it was the fact that it was three in the morning and they were pulling a 'corpse' through the mist.

"Damn. How can he be so small and yet so heavy?" Cornelia Li Britannia cursed re-grabbing the long pale arm and hefting Lelouch's front half up again and beginning to stagger backwards again.

"He's not particularly heavy, he's just really tall, and it makes him difficult to carry." Schneizel El Britannia said huffing, before promptly dropping one of the legs and needing to catch it before they lost balance….again. Lelouch had been tipped in the mud a few times already.

"You're both wrong." Aide Kanon Maldini said blithely from several yards back, amusement flavoring his voice. "He is tall, which makes him awkward, and the limpness does tend to make bodies hard to carry off. But I think you both simply spend too much time behind your respective desks."

Blue and purple narrow in a glare.

Cornelia snarls "_I am the Goddess Victory! _I am not fat!"

"I don't believe he said you were fat, dear sister. I believe he accused us of simply being out of shape." He said with mild irritation and a glare at his aide. A glare that was returned with the usual sly smirk. As if Schneizel could ever be mad at him.

"I AM A PILOT! OF A KNIGHTMARE!" Cornelia hissed loudly

"Yes princess, you fly a tin can and shoot rockets at people. Have you ever considered being in a long battle with only a sword? Or maybe, just throwing it out there, training?" Kanon purred

"I know bloody well how to use the accursed weapon! I do use it! Don't I Schneizel?"

Schneizel stumbled over a small rock dropping Lelouch with a mild thud. He made quite a show of re-gathering his younger brother's legs and trying to keep the long body straight so he didn't look malformed. Pointedly ignoring his sisters' question.

Cornelia noticed. "I do so!"

"Well not for very long…" Schneizel conceded.

Cornelia looked ready to rip her hair out, if it wouldn't mean her dropping her brother. "Schneizel. Why is your pet bothering me?" She growls

"Not a pet." Schneizel says hastily glancing at his lover, merely to ensure that he was okay really. Not at all because he was worried about Cornelia being shot with the gun Kanon usually carried in that holster around his waist, or stabbed with a hidden stiletto that was always in one boot. "He's more of a…Accomplice?"

Cornelia giggled "Accomplice? That's all you could come up with?"

Schneizel didn't answer.

"So Kanon" Cornelia began. Because she and Kanon actually got along rather well, when he wasn't….Taking her mind off of the fact she was carrying her limp brother through the woods at three thirty in the morning. Shit. "Why aren't you in uniform?" Seriously why? She was wearing the red and gold getup she preferred, Schneizel was in his usual prime minister-ey thing. And Kanon was wearing a short sleeved black shirt and a pair of black slacks. What gives?

"His orders were for his siblings to be in uniform so he didn't geass the hell out of them when he woke up, since it works on people more than once now. He also recommended his siblings carry him to C2 so she could revive him. As far as I know he wasn't aware I knew about the arrangement."

"Brother-in-Law doesn't count now or something?" Cornelia said blandly.

Kanon looked pointedly ahead and said nothing.

* * *

They continued like that for a while, the silence only broken with occasional cursing when a sibling dropped a leg or an arm.

"What about Suzaku?" Schneizel randomly burst out around four A.M.

When the others only looked at him oddly he continued. "You know. The whole Him-and-Lelouch thing? What ever happened to that?"

"Might explain why the new Zero is always ranting about chemical compounds and reverse anatomical particles. Suzaku jumped ship too." Kanon mused

Cornelia's jaw dropped. "Wait. We had my psychopathic younger brother in that mask, then the fitness freak Suzaku. Now Lloyd Asplund!" She guffawed loudly "Who's next? Milly Ashford?"

Both men shrugged and kept going in silence when Cornelia broke in "How is this going to work with C2 _and_ Suzaku?"

Schneizel looked rather naïve about the whole thing, having only ever been in a relationship with Kanon.

Kanon saw it at as a way to torment the siblings and smirked somewhat evilly, but kept silent.

"You have an idea, Kanon?" Cornelia would willingly admit (to a few people) that life as a royal was rather sheltered. Kanon was born a noble, but he had a very good understanding about the average peoples of the world.

"I do believe it's called a threeso-"

***SMACK***

Schneizel hadn't hit him; he had simply dropped Lelouch, dove for Kanon and slammed his hand over the younger man's mouth. He knew where this was going now. And while he wished to be disapproving, his shoulders shook with laughter.

Cornelia rolled her eyes. Apparently, she didn't want to know.

Cornelia let out a rather undignified squeak when she checked her watch 4:30 A.M.

"Is something the matter?" Kanon asked in alarm.

"It's almost five o' clock!"

"And..?" Schneizel prompted, worried for one of his only living siblings that he didn't hate.

"Guilford gets up at five!"

She continued when they both stared at her blankly. "If he wakes up and I'm not there, we're going to be running the rest of the distance trying to evade the national guard!"

"Shit" Kanon hissed, waving his hand in a hurry up gesture.

They did.

* * *

"He appears a little beaten up." C2 said passing a critical eye over a slowly waking Lelouch. "Did you drop him?"

Cornelia and Schneizel passed a quick glance at each other before responding with "No, Not at all, we found him like that." In unison

"Hmmm, you lie horribly." C2 said with an amused smirk, before handing them each a paper crane. "A thank you." She explained "I've wanted to drop him on his head before but I doubt I'll ever get the chance with Kururugi around." She said with a disappointed sigh.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Suzaku said confusedly.

Kanon rolled his eyes, Suzaku's naivety was unbecoming sometimes.

"He's waking up!" Called the naïve boy a few seconds later.

* * *

They said their goodbyes and promised to keep in touch. It was still odd watching the cart ambling off with their friends and family.

Several minutes of staring after the long gone cart, Kanon began chuckling.

"What is it?" Cornelia asked curiously.

"Well." Kanon began with a smirk "A knight, a witch, and a prince all decide to go into hiding….."

Schneizel snorts "This is the future of humor, forget a priest, a minister and a rabbi walk into a bar."

"Hey Cornelia?" Kanon calls after another five minutes of silence.

"Yeah?"

"It's six."

All three stiffened when the alarm bells began tolling in a village nearby.

"Huh." Schneizel said with a thoughtful expression "You weren't kidding."

"Nope." Cornelia said with an odd expression.

After a few more minutes of staring off at nothing Kanon broke in again.

"Wanna get some clothes that aren't spattered with mud for you guys in town, then get some coffee and possibly call Guilford and tell him we've kidnapped Cornelia?"

"Coffee and new clothing sounds sublime." Schneizel said with feeling.

All three begin to amble toward the town when Cornelia stops Kanon with a hand on his shoulder.

"Yeah, Cornelia?"

She looks thoughtful for a moment before handing him her cell phone with a wicked grin "He's on speed dial one, and use a British accent, he hates it."

* * *

**Love it? Hate it? Review! And please vote on my poll, there is always one there, to decide my next story.**


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